I have never had weight issues growing up, I never thought
twice about my weight until recently. As a kid my parents were very concerned
about my weight actually, I was stuffed with all sorts of vitamin tablets to
boost my appetite and help me gain weight. Nothing changed. I slowly started
gaining weight (now that I sit down and think about it) when I was in
university probably in third or fourth year but still it was never an issue for
me. It just didn’t matter to me. AT ALL. So since my weight gain somehow I have
been overwhelmed with people’s remarks. People (family, friends, strangers) feel
the need to comment on my weight and 98% percent of the comments are in a
negative way, a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, sad, angry, depressed and
ugly.
Two men precisely have said it straight to my face to lose
weight because I look ugly. SHOCKING I KNOW but somehow they feel obligated to
be “honest”. I have had the worst
remarks from people about my looks from “koma nde watupa tu” to “Koma nde
mukazayamba kubeleka muzaphulika.” And every time I ask myself, are they even
thinking before they say these things??? You would think the worst remarks
would come from men but no, women too. What all these comments say to me is
it’s not ok to be fat, fat is ugly.
I remember one day having an outburst to one particular guy
who was a friend of a friend who visited my house. This man mind you, is not
fit in any way. He is tall, big and has a protruding belly but he had the nerve
to tell me, in my house that if I gain any more weight I would look ugly. That
was my “I have had enough of this shit” day for me and I told him looking
straight in his eyes that at least I “might” look ugly some day but he was
already fat so there was no chance for him at all. He was shocked and started
apoligising.
But here is what I am saying: WHY do people feel obligated to
say nasty things about people’s weight gain? WHY do they think no one is fine with
being big and thick? I will probably never get to the bottom of this but all am
saying is words cut deep, even to the strongest people, words HURT. People say
it without thinking most of the times and apparently they are not trying to
hurt any feelings but guess what, YOU DO! If your opinion is not asked, really,
DON’T SAY ANYTHING.
I have my own niece being bullied in school for being
overweight, I don’t know what to say to her. I tell her she is beautiful but
how does she believe me when the outside world is screaming ‘FAT’ to her face
every chance they get. How does she believe me when I don’t even believe in my
own beauty? I know people keep saying be comfortable in your own skin but tell
me how to do it without judging me. Tell me how to love me when every chance
you get you bring me down with your mouth? Self-love is a journey, that’s the
one thing no one told me and I wish they had. It certainly does not happen
overnight or even in a year, in the world we living in where women’s bodies are
sexually objectified and the media portrays a woman’s beauty in a small figure
and small waist am far from feeling pretty.
Am far from fully loving myself and accepting all my curves
and edges but am willing to take that journey for me. To fully love and respect
my body, make healthier choices and be a more confident aunt to my nieces :)
