WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION???

I have never had weight issues growing up, I never thought twice about my weight until recently. As a kid my parents were very concerned about my weight actually, I was stuffed with all sorts of vitamin tablets to boost my appetite and help me gain weight. Nothing changed. I slowly started gaining weight (now that I sit down and think about it) when I was in university probably in third or fourth year but still it was never an issue for me. It just didn’t matter to me. AT ALL. So since my weight gain somehow I have been overwhelmed with people’s remarks. People (family, friends, strangers) feel the need to comment on my weight and 98% percent of the comments are in a negative way, a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, sad, angry, depressed and ugly.

Two men precisely have said it straight to my face to lose weight because I look ugly. SHOCKING I KNOW but somehow they feel obligated to be “honest”.  I have had the worst remarks from people about my looks from “koma nde watupa tu” to “Koma nde mukazayamba kubeleka muzaphulika.” And every time I ask myself, are they even thinking before they say these things??? You would think the worst remarks would come from men but no, women too. What all these comments say to me is it’s not ok to be fat, fat is ugly. 

I remember one day having an outburst to one particular guy who was a friend of a friend who visited my house. This man mind you, is not fit in any way. He is tall, big and has a protruding belly but he had the nerve to tell me, in my house that if I gain any more weight I would look ugly. That was my “I have had enough of this shit” day for me and I told him looking straight in his eyes that at least I “might” look ugly some day but he was already fat so there was no chance for him at all. He was shocked and started apoligising.

But here is what I am saying: WHY do people feel obligated to say nasty things about people’s weight gain? WHY do they think no one is fine with being big and thick? I will probably never get to the bottom of this but all am saying is words cut deep, even to the strongest people, words HURT. People say it without thinking most of the times and apparently they are not trying to hurt any feelings but guess what, YOU DO! If your opinion is not asked, really, DON’T SAY ANYTHING. 

I have my own niece being bullied in school for being overweight, I don’t know what to say to her. I tell her she is beautiful but how does she believe me when the outside world is screaming ‘FAT’ to her face every chance they get. How does she believe me when I don’t even believe in my own beauty? I know people keep saying be comfortable in your own skin but tell me how to do it without judging me. Tell me how to love me when every chance you get you bring me down with your mouth? Self-love is a journey, that’s the one thing no one told me and I wish they had. It certainly does not happen overnight or even in a year, in the world we living in where women’s bodies are sexually objectified and the media portrays a woman’s beauty in a small figure and small waist am far from feeling pretty. 

Am far from fully loving myself and accepting all my curves and edges but am willing to take that journey for me. To fully love and respect my body, make healthier choices and be a more confident aunt to my nieces :)